Wednesday, October 31, 2007

To "B" or Not to "B"

I have discovered that there is a fine line between a women asserting herself and being a bitch. So my question of the day is, to bitch or not to bitch? Although I think it's wrong, a simple fact of society is that a woman who asserts herself is frequently considered a bitch. Many times throughout my teenage years and adult life, I have been called a bitch. Frankly, the term doesn't even bother me anymore. Usually, I'm telling the truth and the person, usually a man, that my comments are directed to, simply doesn't like it. Now I don't want to do any male-bashing, I certainly love men, but I only know what I have observed and cannot help but wonder why the double standard? Now I admit, women tend to be more emotional than men, which can cause them to behave irrationally, but I still think that society looks upon a woman asserting herself with negativity while a man asserting himself is considered a positive trait. "He's a go-getter. He doesn't take any crap from anyone. He's strong-willed. He's aggressive." Then about women they say, "She's just a bitch. It must be her time of the month."
The past few years of my life, I have learned to let a lot of stuff go. The little, petty everyday things that we allow to get to us when we shouldn't. Instead, I try to focus on the stuff that's really important and will have an impact on my happiness. Frequently, this frame of mind has allowed me to feel "stepped on" or has put me in situations I should have never allowed myself to be in. For me, that's a problem; however, had I asserted myself in many of those situations, I would have been perceived as a bitch.
Now perhaps I do swing from one extreme to the other, sometimes not asserting myself at all and others asserting myself in a manner that is condescending to others, but where is the line and how does one know when they cross it? Particularly for a women, for which the standard seems to be different. Yesterday, a friend told me I need to be more ruthless. Although he admitted that may not be exactly the right word, I think he's on to something.
Be it wrong or right, I've let other people in my life, who are not in a position to do so, tell me that I'm too hard on people or that I'm just a bitch. In an effort to be nice, I've allowed myself to become too nice and get stepped on and taken advantage of. Then when I've finally had enough and I do blow up, I am a real bitch.
I am slowly but surely ridding my life of the sort of people who claim that I am too hard on people and I am just a bitch. I am finding that these people have problems with their lives and their overall philosophies that are dragging me down. Then when I've had enough of their foolish behavior, finally, and tell them the truth, perhaps in a bitchy way out of frustration, they accuse me of having a problem. They're right...they are my problem and I fully intend to remedy the situation.
So I really don't know the answer to my question, to "B" or not to "B", but I certainly know this, I am sick and tired of giving people a pass that do not deserve it. Perhaps if society were a little harder on these people, we wouldn't have the spineless, gutless, whiney babies our society is full of. Perhaps I am a bitch, but at least I can take care of myself, hold a decent job and pursue my own happiness. If other people cannot find worth in my asserting myself, then I shouldn't care what they think and I certainly don't need them in my life.
So look out! The bitch is back! :-)


Cogito said...

I think a distinction has to be made between the content of your communication and the method (including time and place) by which you communicate. When it comes to content, say what you mean and believe and don't even think about compromising your message for anyone's sake. But when it comes to method... That's a case-by-case basis, but it generally includes being polite and making sure the time is appropriate. If the content is clear in your mind, the appropriate method is usually relatively obvious.

Kelly McNulty said...

I agree, Cogito. Sometimes what one is saying can be completely accurate and appropriate, but how one says it can make all the difference.

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